8====D~ WipeDicks

The only file shredder that finishes with a happy ending.

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Six 12 TB drives, parallel wipe via SSH, with live colorized hex dumps watching the targets in real time. Before-and-after speaks for itself:

❤  xxd /dev/sda1 | head
00000000: 383d 447e 7e20 383d 3d3d 3d3d 3d3d 447e  8=D~~ 8=======D~
00000010: 2038 233d 3d3d 3d3d 3d3d 3d44 7e7e 2038   8#========D~~ 8
00000020: 233d 3d44 7e7e 2038 3d3d 3d3d 3d3d 3d3d  #==D~~ 8========
00000030: 3d44 2038 3d3d 3d3d 447e 7e7e 2038 3d3d  =D 8====D~~~ 8==
00000040: 3d3d 3d3d 3d3d 3d3d 3d44 7e20 3823 3d3d  =========D~ 8#==

What's the Big Deal? 8===D

WipeDicks is a high-performance, multi-threaded file and device wiping tool that overwrites your data with a veritable bukkake of ASCII penises. Now with progress bars, SSD-awareness, and 23 randomized completion verbs (creamed, milked, nuked, gangbanged, splooged on...). It's designed for secure data erasure with more dick jokes than you can shake a stick at.

Features (or as we like to call them, "Dick Pics") 8=D

• Live [8=========D~~~] progress bar with yellow→green gradient and a randomized completion verb
• SSD/NVMe-aware safety — refuses to wear out your flash, suggests the right native tool, or delegates to it via --secure-erase
• Path-safety guards — won't wipe /, /etc, swap files, or mounted block devices without explicit consent
• Configurable everything — shaft length, jizz amount, balls chance, buffer size, bar width, verify-on-write
• SIMD-batched I/O via the wide crate, bounded thread pool, Ctrl-C cleanup, --gay mode for those who want their bukkake in technicolor

Warning

Cock Block Alert! 8==X

This tool is designed to permanently destroy data. Use with extreme caution, or you might end up with blue balls (i.e., regret).

Always double-check your targets before unleashing our ASCII members upon them.

SSDs, NVMes, and the Sad Truth About Wear Leveling 8==X

Overwriting flash storage with multi-pass writes is both useless and harmful. Yes, even with our beautiful penises.

• Useless: SSDs and NVMes use a Flash Translation Layer that remaps logical writes to fresh NAND pages. Overwriting LBA 0 doesn't necessarily clobber the physical NAND cell that holds your old data — that data lingers in over-provisioned NAND until the controller decides to recycle it.
• Harmful: Every pass burns finite program/erase cycles. A 7-pass DoD-style wipe on a 1 TB QLC SSD can consume meaningful percentage points of its lifetime.

So wipedicks refuses by default when you point it at a flash block device, and prints the right native command instead:

Drive	Right tool
NVMe	sudo nvme format /dev/nvmeXnY -s 1 (user-data erase) or -s 2 (crypto erase, SED only)
SATA SSD	sudo hdparm --user-master u --security-set-pass p /dev/sdX && sudo hdparm --user-master u --security-erase p /dev/sdX
Either (fast, non-cryptographic)	sudo blkdiscard /dev/X
Self-encrypting (TCG Opal)	sudo sedutil-cli --revertNoErase

Use --secure-erase to have wipedicks run the right one for you. Use --rape to override the refusal and proceed with the (ineffective, damaging) overwrite anyway. Wiping individual files on a flash filesystem still works — wipedicks prints a one-time warning and continues, because at least unlink(2) actually deletes the inode.

Installation (Getting It Up and Running) 8===D~

# from crates.io (recommended)
cargo install wipedicks

# from source
git clone https://github.com/vxfemboy/wipedicks && cd wipedicks
cargo build --release    # binary lands at target/release/wipedicks

Prebuilt binaries for Linux (x86_64 + aarch64), macOS (x86_64 + aarch64), and Windows are also attached to each GitHub release.

Usage (How to Handle Your Tool) 8====D

# Give a single file the business
wipedicks /path/to/file

# Recursively shred a directory
wipedicks -r /path/to/directory

# Forcefully shove dicks into the disk 
sudo wipedicks --rape /dev/sdX 

All options (or run wipedicks --help)

• -r, --recursive: Go deep into directories
• -n, --numrounds <N>: How many overwrite passes per target (default 1)
• -w, --wipefree: After the wipe, fill free space with dicks until ENOSPC
• -s, --slow: One-penis-per-write path (no buffering, no SIMD)
• --rape: Override every safety check. Nuclear safe-word.
• --secure-erase: Delegate to the drive's native secure-erase
• --shaft-min <N> / --shaft-max <N>: Range of = per penis (default 1..12)
• --jizz-min <N> / --jizz-max <N>: Range of ~ per penis (default 0..3)
• --balls-chance <P>: Probability of a # base ring, 0.0..1.0 (default 0.5)
• --buffer-size <BYTES>: Write batch size (default 1 MiB)
• --bar-width <N>: Width of the progress bar (default 16)
• --no-progress: Disable progress bars (auto-disabled when stderr isn't a TTY)
• --gay: Cycle the bar across the rainbow with bright-white jizz
• --verify: After each round, read the file back and confirm every byte is a valid penis character
• --dry-run: Print one buffer of generated dicks to stdout and exit

Caution

Wrap It Before You Tap It

• Always check your target twice, or you might screw the wrong hole
• Wiping entire devices is like unprotected data sex — there's no going back
• Don't run this on system files unless you want your computer to go limp
• This tool is for giggles and learning. For serious business, use protection (i.e., certified tools)

Credits

This project was brought up to me by Drewsif/wipedicks — all credits for the idea goes to the original creator. I just rewrote it in Rust.

Disclaimer (Cover Your Ass-ets)

The authors aren't responsible for any data loss or damage. Use at your own risk, you kinky data destroyer!

Remember:

With great power comes great responsibili-D. Use wipedicks wisely, and may your data always rest in pieces! 8====D~~~